I’d tell the truth more often but I don’t know what to say

Consider these two sayings: The pen is mightier than the sword; sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me. We accept each as true and pull them out whenever we need them, yet there meanings could not be more diametrically opposed. The power of the former contradicts the latter. One wields words like sword; the other neutralizes them. Yet both are inherently true. Words, often the same words, can wound or build up or do nothing whatsoever. The distinguishing factor is, I believe, truth. Words that are true have great power; they are inherently might because they point to reality; they cannot be denied, they cannot be torn down easily, they cannot be hidden. Then pen that writes the truth is indeed mightier than any sword. The nursery rhyme famous words that do not harm us are lies, the gossip and rumours and catcalls so prevalent in school playgrounds and the office coffee rooms. While lies can have a tremendous negative impact, to the soul that is armed with the truth and stands by it, not even the most malicious words bandied about like sticks or tossed like stones have any effect.

But what is the truth? What defines a lie? How do we distinguish between the true? How do we know what is true and what is a lie about ourselves? This is the challenge. I’d tell the truth more often but I don’t know what to say. Or how to say it. Or when. I don’t know what to say because I am bombarded by contradictory information. I am sold a bill of goods by a saleswoman that can convince me that that broader path is every good as the narrow way or that the pill in her hands is truly a nutritious balanced meal. “What is truth?” Pilate asked Jesus famously, even though the truth stood before him. Even if comes to us proclaiming itself with bells clanging and whistles blowing we do not always accept the truth for what it is.

The truth shall make you free, Jesus tells his Disciples. You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you mad, according to Aldous Huxley. Truth can be a soothing balm or a searing sword. In the hands of a gentle counsellor, the truth of a long forgotten or never realized past pain can be liberating. To know that a demon we had avoided out of fear and ignroance is no demon at all liberates us from the crushing hold. I love my parents without question but when I grew up I felt or heard little praise. Despite being the centre their world as an only child, I rarely heard the words “well done” or “we’re so proud of you.” For the longest time I believed that there was little of worth or value to me. I had no sense of my gifts or that I mattered to anyone. Believe it or not, it was only when I read one of my mother’s letters explaining to her mother that “I had given up on yet another thing” that I started putting two and two together. I had stopped playing accordion at that point; I was only eight years old, and yet my mother had this impression of me as being unable to complete anything. When I read this letter as an adult, and remembered how my own mother had frequently complained about how little her own mother thought of her, how little she valued her, the proverbial penny dropped and I realized that what me mother said was only her perception of the truth; in the many years that had passed since she wrote that stinging letter I had mastered the accordion and accomplished a number of other things. I knew the truth of the letter was not the reality of my own life. Yet I had bought into my mother’s false perception of me and thus, for a long time, thought of myself of having little or no value. It was only through the eyes of my friends, especially of my wife Lois, that I was able to see things differently; the truth, even if it was painful reading the letter at the time, did help to set me free.

The truth also has the power to make us angry, as Aldous Huxley said rightly. When we have a long-standing opinion that has been proved to be incorrect, we can get mad, both at our own folly and at the revelation provided by our new insight. Imagine how angry a nation must have been when President Richard Nixon was revealed to be a less than noble character. Before the Watergate scandal, his presidency had been “pivotal in American military, diplomatic, and political history.” (the miller center: http://millercenter.org/president/nixon/essays/biography/8) He left a positive legacy worth remembering; yet he also did some foolish and self-centred things that, when revealed to the world, ended his second term in office and forever sullied his reputation. What was it like for the German people to realize the horrors perpetrated by the Nazis before and during World War Two. Many citizens had no idea of what was happening behind the scenes; they were unwittingly part of a larger story that went beyond national pride. As with many citizens of other nations before and since those days, they believed their actions were just and the war a necessary step in asserting their position on the world’s stage. They had no idea of the greater scheme behind the war and were shocked and grieved when the truth of the Nazi atrocities came to light.

Truth telling is in an of itself a matter of risk. Those who spoke out against the evils of the Nazi regime were usually summarily executed when discovered. The Christians that resisted the false religion established by the German government were punished and persecuted simply for following what they believed to be true rather than their leaders’ version. Undercover police officers constantly put themselves in harms way as they seek to learn the truths that will result in the arrest and prosecution of criminals. The leaders of the reformation, seeking to move the church away from its self-serving distortion of scripture and pursuit of earthly wealth rather than heavenly rewards were met with excommunication, at the least, and death, in extreme cases. Even ordinary folks standing by a misunderstood friend or colleague risk being hated or shunned for sticking to the truth rather than following the will and ways of ignorance.

Truth is also easily manipulated and masked. Infomercials, the lengthy so-called “paid programming” that fills late night television slots are a perfect example of how a little bit of truth can be exaggerated and distorted in support of a great lie. The true cost of a product is never fully revealed; rather than saying it costs two-hundred and forty dollars we are told that it can be had for only six monthly payments of $39.99. The truth is there, but it is watered down; easy monthly payments sound a lot less onerous than a single whopping sum. Or we are told of the miraculous health benefits of a dietary supplement and then hear from a number of witnesses bearing testimony to the effectiveness of the thing. Of course, we are a captive audience and their enthusiastic and undeniable words lead us to believe that what they are saying is indeed true and the product is truly miraculous. Throw in the approval of a doctor or health practitioner and we are convinced of the merits of a product seen only on television. The secret to their success is our gullibility and readiness to find the easy path, the diet pill that will instantly reduce our girth or the broader way that will somehow lead us to the same place the narrow path does. Truth is relative and for those ready and willing to believe anything available for easy monthly payments directly from their souls. Shipping and taxes extra.

Ferreting out the truth that makes us free takes a little bit of work and a lot of wisdom. Simply being informed is not enough. Having a number of facts, figures and statistics ready to hand is not the same as knowing what is important and the truths to which we should adhere. Yet the fundamentals to discerning and understanding the truth are simple and easily learned. Is a thing verifiable on many fronts? We may get frustrated at the side effects of a commercial drug, but they have been carefully researched and laid before us honestly; an herbal or traditional remedy might seem to have fewer side-effects than the prescription offered by the doctor, but most of those treatments are completely unsupported by clinical unbiased tests and trials. Their success, effectiveness and (word for harmless) are strictly word of mouth and reputation; there may be some evidence to their value but, for the most part, it is more hopeful than truthful. Truth of every kind is found in careful tests that can be repeated and demonstrated rather than simply a few anecdotes and good intentions. Truth is also not simply what is popular or convenient. Fads that come and go might point to a larger reality but they are not reality.

Truth lasts beyond the popular trends that come and go; thus discerning it requires digging beyond the obvious and facile and seeking the core within. When everything is stripped away, when there is no pretence or shell, when the language speaks what it means, when there is nothing left but a pure and unfettered idea, then it can be examined and measured for its veracity. This might seem cold and calculating; after all, truth should be a matter of the heart, of something that is soul-deep and almost being words. Yet truth, while indeed a soul satisfying thing that can be hard to express, should be a matter of the head as well, a conscious thing that can indeed be put into words so that it can be expressed easily, understood and shared. Thus truth can indeed be analyzed, not as much clinically as lovingly, and proven.

Truth that can be proven can also be trusted. It is reliable, something that lasts and endures. It is a foundation upon which life can be built; it is a guide post that helps us stay on the narrow that leads to wholeness and joy. But truth also takes courage to speak and conviction to support. It is inherently fragile in the hands of human beings. We can all too easily distort it or make it suit our own needs; yet despite what we might do, the truth remains steadfast; it is, when genuine, unalterable and deniable. I may not always know what to say, but as much as it is within my power, I will always choose to speak the truth gently, lovingly and faithfully.