I’d be a stronger person if I only had the will

I cannot think of a more strong willed creature than a two or three year old child. Once they have made up their mind to say “No!” there is no amount of begging, bribing, cajoling, threatening or generally asking to get them to change their mind. The rest of the human population is not so strong willed. While I do know of a number of stubborn folks it is remarkable how easily human beings can be swayed.

The art of the hypnotist is proof of how weak willed we can really be. While the power of suggestion is an important factor in the hypnotists success, there is one even more important consideration in the exercise of their art: our desire to fit in. When a hypnotist works with a few people simultaneously, she counts on the fact that even if they aren’t themselves convinced to do her will, they will, as a matter of course, do what the other folks are doing, no matter how embarrassing it is. I know this from personal experience.

Years ago, back when I was in high school, I volunteered to be one of six or so audience participants in a hypnotist’s show. It was there that I first experienced consciously the truth of the sentence “I’d be a stronger person if I only had the will.” I remember being bound and determined that I would not do what the hypnotist was going to make us do. They went throught their process, I followed along with the relaxing and closing of eyes and suggested  imaging but all the while I was thinking what a hoax it all was. I was ready for anything; when the hypnotist was going to snap his fingers and get us to do his bidding, I was going to resist.

I was going to be a stronger person; I had the will; but what happened next surprised me. The moment the hypnotist spoke his “magic” word and ordered us to remove our left shoe, I distinctly remember not going for my shoe, but rather, having an instantaneous glance at the folks around me, at my fellow audience participants. One or two met my eyes; on or two were removing their shoes; the sight of them cooperating with the hypnotist was all I needed to go along; I distinctly remember feeling not so much compelled to do what I had been told, but rather, wanting to fit in. After all, even the other folks that had glanced around with me were making a move to their Nikes or stilettos; I wasn’t about to make a fool of myself by being the only one doing something different, so I took of my left Adidas just as instructed.

For all intents and purposes, the hypnotist’s power of suggestion had worked; I was not strong enough to resist the desire to fit in with my fellow subjects. I would have been a stronger person, but I was weak; I did not have the will.

I wonder where a two or three year old’s stubbornness goes as we grow up. What is it that makes us weak in the face of temptation? Why do I find it so hard to pass up all the goodies at the buffet table? Why does the hoarder keep piling stuff into his home even though she can no longer move freely and easily from room to room? Why does the abused woman continue to go back to the one that causes her so much physical and emotional pain?

Willpower is not something you can buy in stores. It is not something that can be enhanced by drugs or in response to our friend’s telling us to put on our big boy pants and get the job done. The factors that make us do or not do a thing are many and varied. Temptation, peer pressure, ignorance, laziness, self-consciousness, even stubbornness all contribute to our inability to do what we know we should be doing, rather than doing the exact opposite. Yet it is possible to take action and regain control of our lives if we have the right motivation.

The key to being a stronger person is not doing a thing simply because you are told to do so; it is doing something because we know it is right for us. For years I have struggled with my weight. I have no desire to be supremely fit or ultra skinny, but I would like to be healthier and to live longer. Carrying around extra body fat has been proven to be unhealthy for a number of reasons. Lately I’ve started counting calories and watching what I eat in order to shed a few pounds; it’s choice I made for myself, not because anyone told me to or in order to please anyone. That’s why I decided to become healthier by shedding as much of my excess weight as possible. I like living and doing physical things like hiking, woodworking and other things. I would like to continue to do so as long as possible, without the discomfort and limitations of the spare tire I carry around. Thus, I’ve made some firm personal choices so that I could reduce my girth in a healthy and safe way. I will never get the six-pack abs that I had one summer; that’s not the point; the big incentive is avoiding the health risks involved with being too short for my body weight.

It wasn’t an easy decision to make because it was a decision that involved change and commitment. Perhaps that’s another barrier to willing ourselves to do something differently, to change an unhealthy behaviour or to try something new; perhaps looking at the work involved, or maybe not being sure of what is necessary, might add to our hesitation and our lack of will. Yet like any other excuse, being a stronger person is dependent on us, on our own choice and desire. We are, in effect, as strong or as weak as we want to be. Easy to say, hard to put into effect; I know. It’s taken me a long time to make a positive difference in my life. In ways I regret not making the choice earlier because it is so much harder to reach my desired goal. Having started being more careful of my diet, however, has reinforced my decision; it has strengthened my resolve to see my course of action through and to continue on the path to better health and, hopefully, a longer life. I might even suggest that simply by willing it I have had the strength to make a positive change. Maybe we’re all stronger than we think; maybe it doesn’t take as much will as we believe. Perhaps we can all be stronger people with just a little bit of will.